Dump at work

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Dwight is angry after hearing that something bad was written on the Ladies’ bathroom wall about his boss, Michael.

Walk of Shame — Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.

Out of the Closet Pooper — A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

Pooping Friends Network – A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

These Public toilets in Thailand are definitely ‘out there’

The bathroom entertainer!

Here is the first of a three part series of terms that we should use when taking the #2 at the office or in public - this will be the 1st of a 3 part series

Turd Burgler – A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way, you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

Camo-cough – A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

Jailbreak – When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun’s pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

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Back in December, I was up early one morning so I decided to head into the office a little early and hit Starbucks for a quick cup of coffee. I was in line when nature started to call so I quickly placed my order and then headed to the bathroom.

You know most Starbucks have a single room that is a restroom containing both a urinal and a commode - I had just walked in and was about to start to relive myself when some dude busted in right behind me - scared the crap out of me - he looked at me and said - “Hey man, mind if we share?” - FREAK! What DUDE wants to share a bathroom in a single room with no barrier - I grabbed my coffee and hit the road - took a piss when I got to the office. I haven’t been back since. Anyone else have an experience like that at Starbucks? lol.

Man, over the years I have heard some stories that top it all of things people will do to get around doing the Dr. Evil (#2) at the office - whether your office is an office building, a fast food restaurant, a bank, you name it - there are some crazy things that happen - this site is a place to share just that - your story. Register with us today and post your stories! I know you have some good ones to share and crack us up!